Added: The Empty Room
"I preach to the empty room. In the empty chairs sit the empty shells; eyeless, earless, soulless. My words fill the empty air, hang in the deep dark, and evaporate into oblivion. I preach to the empty room. No one will know I was ever here."
This website is meant to be standing record of my existence - my voice, my thoughts, my interests, and not the beliefs of everyone who hates me out there. When I am gone there will be only 4 people who will have truly known and understood me, that would be able to speak to my life and accomplishments, that would have anything truly positive to say at my memorial. If I outlive them all (which would truly suck) then there will be no one left that even remembers me. 99.9% of the people I have ever met no longer speak to me. 90% of that 99.9% say that leaving me was the best and smartest thing they ever did. The other 9.9% simply pretend I never existed and block out the time of their life that they knew me. I don't want that to have been my legacy but it was inevitable.
I want there to be something of my wisdom and beliefs that remains in some kind of organized, written form both on and offline. Maybe someday it will all reach someone really special, someone who has eyes wide open and a strong, resilient soul that reaches for truth. I would like to have reached someone in a positive way. I would like to have made some kind of a difference to someone's life ... far away in some other place, some other lifetime.
It's wishful thinking I know; desperate thoughts of a fool.
It is because I am utterly foolish that I have added a new category to the ARTICLES section called "The Empty Room". This section of THC will hold my lectures, emails, creative writings, and musings from the past and present. I have been lecturing, preaching, teaching, and writing for many, many years. I did the bulk of my more concentrated writing during my years as a personal coach and therapist and while a lot of people have recommended that I write a book based on my best and most comprehensive theories and lessons, I have never really felt that it would be met with much interest ...
... I always feel like I am preaching to an empty room.
I don't believe that anything I have ever written or spoken will have any kind of lasting effect on anyone. In fact, in all the years I have been talking, no one has truly heard a word. I don't know why I keep trying. Perhaps I'm just stubborn, perhaps it's just my nature, perhaps I'm just stupid enough to believe that I have something to offer.
"Do you know what your problem is, Delenn? You are a piece of the machine that thinks it is the whole of the machine. The flute that believes itself a symphony. You have malfunctioned. Admit it, and you'll feel better. Your only destiny is to be a nail that is hammered down. Bang ... bang ... bang."
I believe, as I always have, that what I have to offer is a mix of philosophy, psychology, communication methodology, general spirituality (based on science, body logic, and nature), and good common sense. Over the years I have found everything I have ever tried to teach met with anger, hatred, suspicion, and cowardice. I have been called a cult leader, a prison warden, a lunatic, a communist (that one's true), and many other things for expressing, teaching, and sharing my beliefs and ideas about living life. While I don't consider Shin Seiki Zoku to be a religion, a lot of other people think it has the roots of one and that I'm wandering the earth - and the Internet - brainwashing people and spreading my satanic lunacy to anyone naive enough to listen.
Am I crazy then? Hauling around my own homemade Kool Aid? I'm not crazy just because everyone is a coward. I'm not crazy just because most people live in denial. I'm not crazy because the whole world is upside down and backwards. As I have already stated in several of my journal posts: I didn't make the world the way it is. All I do is point out the truth.
Some of what you read in "The Empty Room" will shock you, surprise you, bore you, irritate you, but maybe - hopefully and ideally - also inspire you. It's not all kind. My methods are harsh certainly, even mentally and emotionally brutal - but so is life - deal with it. It's long been time for people to grow up. It's long been time for people to stop being so fucking sensitive and frightened. It's long been time for people to accept reality.
The room may always be empty when I step into it, my words may always echo for a while and then diminish forever, but at least I have a voice and am willing to use it. I will always show up, I will always do my best, I will always speak my mind, and I will always live the most open and honorable life I can even if no one cares, no one listens, and no one is there to see.