December 25, 2011 Posted by Eli in Eli

Tags: christmas, daily journal, new years, personal

Daily Eli - Merry Happy New End

It's Christmas ...

Yippie.

Honestly, I don't even care that it is. Christmas is a made up holiday similar to Thanksgiving - put into place to force mundanes into celebrating things that they don't even truly understand or even believe in anymore. They have forgotten their history, or more likely don't care about history, so they just continue to promote crap and go through the routines of life like lemmings. It's so disgusting to me and nonsensical. I say the obligatory "Merry Christmas" to all of my mundane acquaintances because it makes them happy, but the fact that it does is a testament to their slavery to propaganda and nonsense. Christmas is a commercial creation that coincides not with the birth of Jesus, but with the end of the fiscal year and, similar to Valentines Day, is about businesses making money off of the mindless habits of mundanes who don't know any better. Merry Christmas from the tribe! What-the-fuck-ever. That's not a "bah humbug" ... that's reality - albeit an inconvenient one.

For me, growing up, the holidays were always this very structured – forced and non-negotiable - family event that I couldn't truly enjoy past the point where I started growing into my own sense of individuality (which was like age 11). Even the opening of presents on Christmas Day had a structure and a "way" of doing it that my mother preferred. As I got older and realized that I didn't share my parent's religious beliefs or focus on meaningless, empty rituals, I always simply wanted to get all of my friends together and just have a good time but my parents were always about forcing family to be together because that's what the holidays were all about for them. Their version of the holidays seemed so stressful and so false and so routine and once I was out of the house, I decided never to do things that way. For me, it's not about anything other than the close of the year - the last month of the year - not just the last day (New Years). The end of the year is when I do the most of my reflection on how the year was and planning for what I want the next year to be. The "holidays", for me, is about celebrating the spirit of the end of the season with the people who you love the most and sharing positive energy and giving of yourself in whatever way you want. If that meant sitting around in your pajamas with your friends, eating poptarts and watching Cannonball Run while the snow falls outside then so be it. As long as you're laughing, loving each other, and being positive, then that's what I think it should be about.

Collectively my tribemates here in CT and I represent five different religions, three different races, four different economic backgrounds, three different educational backgrounds, three kinds of political focuses, and six different job professions. Over the past 15 years we have come to learn, respect, and appreciate all of the many differences between all of us. Even now we still continue to learn and grow through new knowledge and further understanding of what makes us all unique. When it came to the holidays we all sat down and talked about what we didn’t like about our childhood holiday experiences, what we wanted to incorporate from each persons history, and what new traditions we wanted to create for ourselves. None of us are organized religion followers at all but our family backgrounds include Roman Catholic, United Methodist, Baptist, and Jehovah's Witness so you can imagine how interesting that group discussion was. *grin* In the end we actually all found that we really wanted nothing to do with what we had grown up doing and wanted to kind of decide based on what we simply felt like doing year after year.

Enough about this Christmas nonsense ...

It's been a while since I posted on THC and there are a few reasons. The main reason, or 95% of the reason, has been that Laurence and I have been doing a lot of web design and programming on two major projects that we wanted to have mostly ready for the new year. I'll be posting about them sometime in January. I'm extremely proud of the work that both he and I have done, Laurence is an absolute programming genius and I couldn't do 90% of any of my equally brilliant ideas without him. The other reason I haven't posted, the remaining 5%, is that I haven't really had much to say despite my mind being preoccupied with a great deal of thoughts. I have been thinking long and hard about the future of my status on THC as far as what I want to contribute to it. It's not something I have completely worked out. When Laurence and I first decided to start this site it was so that we could do things for ourselves and if anyone happened to read it, great. It's still very much about that - about just us doing what we want, when we want. For me, I always planned for this site to be a collection of all that will be left of my thoughts and contributions to the world.

After deciding to become a recluse, I closed the door on the world and on the majority of people in it. While this has greatly improved my health and mental state, it has also limited my writing topics. I simply don't have much to say anymore which is a "convenient consequence" of moving upwards towards enlightenment. My observations on the world remain the same as always and I think I have said, over the years, I have said all that there is to say on how fucked up the world is. I don't believe my thoughts are unique and I know that no one out there cares to hear them. To listen to truth is something that most people would rather not do. They would rather live ignorant, complain about things, and never evolve into people that could bring about real change to the world. That kind of person bores the hell out of me and I can't associate with people who are content to accept the world and themselves at the most basic level. In a more complete sense, it's the blindness that I cannot take. The celebration of the commercialism and emptiness of "Christmas" is just an example of that ...

... didn't I say enough of Christmas? *grin*

With the end of the year coming, I have made a few resolutions. I've realized several things this year, mainly that I made the right decision to become a recluse. As the world and people continue to devolve and I see that there is really no hope to be found, I think it is best that I end my days in this cave I have chosen. There is very little I can do anymore in the world - if I could have done anything ever. My truest voice has long been silenced and my message lost on the shriveled brains of animals so there is nothing to be done except end my days here. The year for me did in fact end up how I thought and it confirmed what I had predicted about my life and my future.

You cannot change your Fate, no matter how much you may wish your life to be different and no matter how much you may dream that it will be. The Universe and it's keepers of balance and order, The PTB, have decided your Fate long before you were even energy in the Universal flow. Your life, your Destiny, your role on this Earth has already been determined and fighting it will only bring you great pain and despair. The more you reach for what you were never meant to have, the more you believe in fantasy and delude yourself into thinking you control your Fate or your path, the more you will fall into darkness. There is only your chosen path which, like the short line at the grocery store, most people think is too good to believe so they change lines thinking that it is better to make the wrong decision (of their own choice and control) than trust what is right in front of them (and outside of their control). The majority of the world doesn't want to walk a path they didn't choose and as a result they let go of what is actually a very easy route to greatness. They would rather have hard, empty, useless lives - that they chose and control - than be led down a path they have no faith in, no belief in, and that was chosen by someone else.

Now the truth ... my inconvenient truth ... is that my Fate, as chosen by the Universe, is to live this desolate life. Helen Keller said: "True happiness ... is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." and I have a worthy purpose - a selfless purpose. One I am proud of. One I know I was born to do. One I have been striving to accomplish and will with the best of who I am ... until I am no longer needed.

The end of the year marks the end of a ridiculous illusion; a reality that has been building for a few years now, one I foolishly tried to escape - to deny - like the faithless mundanes I left the world to escape. I have never truly been faithless though, only stupidly hopeful, dreaming like a blind and ignorant child. Now I am fully awake and finally cried out of delusional tears.

I wish everyone a New Year of true reality and acceptance even though I know the world will never change. I certainly have.