October 3, 2011 Posted by Laurence in Laurence

Tags: adhd, brain, lumosity, personal, scheduling

Brain Dump: Introduction

I have one of those lovely spazzy, ADHD addled brains that will either splinter my focus over a hundred things or stuck in a loop on just one. Brains like these will get you into trouble with friends, family, tribe members, and media blog partners who are about to stab you because you haven't written a post in 6 months.

This site was originally my idea, but I have virtually no content up in the time the site has been live. Sure, I've done some work on the code and helped with the video production, but that isn't the same as actually contributing my own content. That's just stupid considering how diverse my interests are. It is not due to a lack of interest, or lack of anything to say or share but just another example of my struggle to keep my brain focused properly.

These 'Brain Dump' posts will be a way for me to get out any random thoughts or ideas that are in my head taking up space...most of the time I scrawl down notes but I there's no reason not to put them up and document them more formally. The Brain Dumps can turn into longer, fleshed out posts or media experiments and videos. It would be nice to have my projects documented from start to finish for a change. For this first one though, allow me to ramble on about my brain itself.

The Past...

Over the years I've really struggled to express myself creatively. The conflict always an internal one. Dealing with crippling fear (of making a mistake), raging self doubt and worry, I'd start one thing, get frustrated and stop, start something else, wash, rinse, repeat. In time (and with alot of help from Elaine and my other tribemates), I was able to let go of all that stuff. I know what I'm capable of, I don't feel like I'm not good enough anymore. But then I tried to take on everything (too much), trying to make up for lost time, and still not getting anything worth the work I put into it. So, I started focusing too much on the process, on how I was making things. And that just turned into a cycle of overthinking.

I've tried to tackle the ADHD symptoms with medication. A few years back I was prescribed 'Celexa' (Citalopram) to help with depression and 'Focalin' (Dexmethylphenidate) to help with the brain clarity and focus. Even though the doses were low, there was an improvement in my mood and my brain was clearer (no fog). But there were side effects. The Focalin would make my heart race very fast (and sweat like crazy). When the Celexa kicked in and I felt better, I starting doing things that I already enjoyed, which would turn into these episodes of 'sensory overload' (which I later understood to be 'serotonin storm'). While those drugs didn't pan out in the long run, It did let me experience how my brain could feel free of fog and thoughts slow enough to actually see and read.

The Present...

Back in August, the tribe started using Chore Wars and Remember the Milk in order to help with our personal scheduling and organization. For me it's been really helpful in showing me where my problems are. Chore Wars is great for keeping track of what you've done, and ultimately what you haven't done. "I haven't done any of this or that...why is that?" Then I look at my Remember The Milk and see that it's full of mostly chores and programming tasks...D'OH. It's definitely a issue of perspective. I look at the creative ideas too generally, where it's hard to say how long something will take or how much time I should dedicate to it. But I can be more specific about what I want to create within that idea, and it will allow me to schedule it easily.

Elaine found a site called Lumosity which deals with the science of improving your brain function. Once you signup, you can enroll yourself in various courses and play a variety of games that test/train/develop a specific brain function: Memory, Speed, Attention, Problem Solving, and Flexibility. The idea is that with consistent training you brain will grow new synapses; making new connections that can help with overall health and improve medical conditions (like ADHD). Over the last 2 days, I've done 2 sessions of each of the courses I enrolled in. Man you definitely feel your brain getting a workout (mine is the smell of burning bacon).

On the medication side, I'm substituting the previous drugs with supplements. I'm using 5-HTP (5-Hydroxytryptophan, the precursor to Serotonin and Melatonin) and Vitamin B-6 (breaks down amino acids, boosts energy). I've been experimenting with dosage and was able to get the same effect as the Celexa/Focalin combination. The difference is I can curb the side effects easier with the supplements. I started out with 100mg doses but I have plenty of headroom to come down (I can get the supplements in increments of 25, 50, and 100mg, whereas with the Celexa and Focalin i was already on a low dose of 10mg and 5mg respectively).

The Future...

That's for this Brain Dump - more on the way...